motherhood of the ripped jeans

It all started one sunny spring day when I made a typical visit to my mom's. I use the word typical loosely. I brought my ripped jeans that I wanted her to fix. They were supposed to be ripped but as I put them on, I put my foot through the tear and I made the opening TOO big and I was showing too much skin. How was I going to explain this? I kissed her on the cheek. I braced myself and asked "Mom, can you fix the this? BUT don't close the hole." She looked appalled, "Susan, it's all ripped throw them out" This wasn't going to be easy "Um mom they are supposed to be, I bought them that way" "YOU paid money for ripped pants?" I didn't tell her that I paid $75 bucks for them. "Jeans, mom, jeans." Then I got the "oh Susan" I went on, "Mom, I have a vision, go with it, Just sew some lace inside to cover the hole" Now she was speechless. I waited. "Can't I put a patch over the hole?" A PATCH? A PATCH? Was I ten again? No mom, not a patch! I WANT THE RIPS!!!! DO not DO NOT cover them!! She sighed. Leave them go home I will see what I can do. She wasn't happy. Fast forward 8 months, I get a phone call. I FORGOT about the jeans. "Susan?" Yes mom. "I have your jeans, I fixed them" Dare I go see them? I was afraid. So I drove there with to get them tonight and alas she did not use a patch!! She used lace! They came nice. She handed them to me with disdain.:

Push Push ANOTHER BUSH?

My mom calls me and asks if I want a flat of impatients and another bush. At that time, my asthma was so out of control, I declined. I can't be outside in the Spring, it triggers my asthma. When I am not controlled, I choke. A few days later, another call, this time to my cel. Would I like some kind of potted arrangement and a bush (she gave up on the impatients but was trying mine). I said I would come take a look WHEN I stopped choking. She said, "Susan, the bush has been uprooted and may not last long" OK so we are worried about the bush. Hurry and plant the shrub before it dies, it's ok if Susan stops breathing while she plants it? DUNNO. I brush her off and tell her I will pick it up on the weekend. Baffled, I drive home. Weekend comes and I head to her house for a barbecue. I carry a chickpea salad (my contribution for the BBQ) inside the 100 degree house (naturally the AC is off, gotta save electricity) and ask if I can help her. She is buzzing about the kitchen, my dad is asleep on the couch. She tells me to carry stuff out to the deck. I set the table under the tent. Ahh nice and cool out there, whew. Just as we sit down to eat, it begins to drizzle. She says we should go inside. I point out we are under an awning. She said it will come in the sides. I fight to stay outside, in the cool air. We do and some of the guests do get a little wet. Of course, its all my fault. I don't mind, I am not sweltering inside. We clean up and get ready to leave. OK , not before she tells me to go get the planter. I go around the side of the house. WOW it really is gorgeous. I wonder how I am going to lift it. Then I hear a voice, "SUZIE" Only my parents calls me that. Yes mom. Its not heavy. She knows what I am thinking? "I filled it with plastic bags," she says," then, dirt" I carry it to the van, along with magazines and coupons. It really was light! We head home. I am only in the house 5 minutes when the phone rings. "SUZIE??"utoh, Now what? this can't be good. "You forgot to take the bush." SH#T. I didn't even see a bush. I was so excited with the potted flowers. Sorry Mom. I will get it next week. Fast forward to next week. I go visit, now the street is all torn up due to construction and my car is around the block. My mom isn't feeling well, recovering from recent surgery but she manages to tell me "don't forget the bush" I am thinking "HOW COULD I?" Now I drag the bush to the front of the house, leave it by the curb so I can go get my car around the block. Her neighbor across the street Yells, ANOTHER BUSH?? He is the same neighbor who helped us pull the last batch and the same neighbor my mom told that I didn't need help because I work out. I wanted to die. I yelled back, You better watch out, I think she steals bushes. He just smiled. I hope he knows I was kidding. Well the bushes are all in place now and I hope the digging is DONE!

Heavy DUTY

Mom asked if I wanted 4 bushes. I did need some shrubbery for my property so without thinking I said yes. That was 2 weeks ago. Well, being April, rainy days followed. It was probably driving her crazy that I couldn't come take them. When I heard yesterday that the weather was going to be warm and sunny, I called my mom and told her I would come dig them up. She said, "Great, tomorrow night?" Confused and scratching my head, I answered, "NO, sometime in the afternoon." WHY in the heck would I dig up shrubs in the dark of night? Am I stealing them? Are they her neighbors? I decided NOT to even question. I head there, armed with ice coffee and tons of patience. She tells me to come inside. The bushes are in the front of the house but I do as I am told and go inside. She hands me a bunch of coupons and an article on how I am going to save $1500 because I bought a new garage door. Then she tries to feed me lunch. I pass since I am drinking iced coffee and just ate breakfast an hour ago. I tell her that I have limited time since the boys are going out and I have to be home in an hour. We venture outside. WOW, They are lot bigger than I thought they were but I start to dig. She has A lot of helpful hints. It takes hrs and a neighbor but we get them out. I am all scratched up. They are beautiful. I start to leave. She asks if i can take out 4 others she would like to throw away. Hot and sweaty, I do as any obedient daughter would do, I continue to dig. We bag them and put them by the trash. I get washed up and pack my stuff to leave. She gives me a container of stuff to keep away the weeds. My loot this trip = coupons, 4 bushes, weed away and a good workout. I also made mama very happy!

Game 2, Another win!

I stopped by for a BRIEF visit (10 minutes). I was dropping off a salad that I had picked up from Panera. (they gave me the wrong salad) This caused a BIG ruckus. Now they HAD to give me something. I assured them that I ate. It didn't matter. I was offered boiled shrimp for lunch tomorrow. I said that I would pass. My dad said my husband could have stuffed peppers. I told him he ate already. They asked how the boys were. I casually mentioned that Nick wanted to play cards with my mom (BIG mistake). Now she was scrambling to find something for Nick. She came up with a handful of Hershey's kisses. She sits to talk to me for a few minutes. Then she is up again. I call her the 90lb dynamo. She is so full of energy. This time she returns with a box of wildflower seeds. Along with the box, comes planting advice (adding fertilizer, raking, where to put them) My father is also yelling some very helpful hints from the living room. I thank them both and start to get up to leave. No visit would be complete without a weather update. My mom tells me it will be sunny this weekend. BUT wait, there is more. I also score Burger king coupons. I get closer to the front door. My mother needs to tell me that I must start checking my receipts. Some stores are adding taxes twice. I make a gesture of insanity to my dad, not realizing my mom is watching. This earns me a smack on the butt. OUCH it HURT. She is strong for her size! I finally make it out of the house, as my mother watches me get in the car. (She is my protector)

My Parents

Gotta love them. They would do anything for us. I called and asked if I could stop by. They told me to hurry because they were leaving. So I get there and my dad is sitting on the couch in his undershirt and shorts. LEAVING? I question his attire. He tells me it takes him five minutes to get dressed. We do the usual rundown of the daily dish. Then my dad tells me I look like I put on a few pounds. WHAT? I just killed myself for the last 2 weeks, dieting and working out. Gotta love them. They rush me out the door with the usually I love u's and kisses. Of course, I can't ever leave empty handed. I take my loot of magazines, a jacket for my hubby and tomatoes from the garden and my low self esteem and I head home. For some reason I feel like eating a whole gallon of ice cream.